If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
