i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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