is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
