In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i came on her dog
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize