Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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