Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
