i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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