Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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