Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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