Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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