The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
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just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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