broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
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Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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