I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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