my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
