i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
