Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
