i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
