Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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