Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
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She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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