Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
