Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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