What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
