If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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