That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
