I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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