why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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