I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
