I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
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There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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