i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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