We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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