You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
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she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.