Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
