I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You can't just leave with hair like that
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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