You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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