R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
