Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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