yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
