I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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