Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
