A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
as a side note pls kill me
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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