I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
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