hotel room ftw
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
