They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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