Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
