Plan B is the new Plan A
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
