Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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