We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
