areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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