i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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