There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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