fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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