maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
