Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
