It's like a parade of train wrecks.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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