Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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