i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
