I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize