so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
