if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
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he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
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i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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