NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Randomize
