Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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